Episode 4: Meet the Parents

We open in a jewellery store. As they wait for Heidi’s ring to be resized so it will actually stay on her finger, Heidi asks Spencer if he’ll accompany her to Colorado for the weekend to meet her family. Spencer reminds her that Brody’s BBQ, which they’ve been planning for two months, is happening at the same time. Unfortunately for him, Heidi’s been perfecting her passive-aggressive pouting technique, and he quickly relents. “I’d much rather go meet your family,” he lies.

After the credits, Spencer breaks the news to Brody, who doesn’t take it well. “Stop flaking out. If you’re gonna make plans with me, then stick with it,” Brody says. Spencer briefly looks like he’s deciding which of his two facial expressions to employ: evil glare or smirk. He settles on the latter. “You’re a lot like L.C. over there,” he taunts. Ooh, foreshadowing?

Audrina and Justin Bobby frolic on the beach and talk about Lauren. J.B. is OK with the fact that Lauren’s not totally sold on him, acknowledging that she’s just being a good friend and looking out for Audrina. “She doesn’t need to worry about it,” he reassures Audrina, “until you piss me off.” I’m pretty sure he’s joking.

Spencer and Heidi pack for their trip. “Do your parents know all about our relationship?” Spencer asks. Heidi replies that they do, as she talks to her mother every day. Spencer looks worried, probably because cutting Heidi off from her entire family is going to be a much bigger challenge than getting her away from Lauren, and Heidi hasn’t left him enough time to formulate a game plan.

Restaurant. A simple mention of Justin Bobby’s name is enough to send Audrina, Lauren and Lo into hysterics. These girls either need to get out more or drink less.

Crested Butte, Colorado. Spencer uncomfortably hugs Heidi’s family members. “I’m so glad to be here,” he says unconvincingly. As soon as possible, he sneaks off to call Brody, who taunts him with descriptions of his awesome party, featuring sun, sand, and an impressive array of outdoor sports. Karma soon comes back to bite Brody, though, when Lauren somehow injures his finger during a beach football game. Brody, sure his finger’s broken, walks around whining for a bit before deciding to see a doctor.

Back in Colorado, Heidi inadvertently insults her stepfather by comparing him to Spencer. Dad does a double take but recovers nicely, playfully warning Heidi that he and Spencer are going to have “the talk” later that day.

Beach party. The camera slowly pans up Justin Bobby, whose beach attire consists of unlaced combat boots, fairly short shorts, a white T-shirt and a bandanna. I’d make a joke about that, but there’s really no need, is there?

Colorado. Heidi’s stepdad drags Spencer off for a chat and Heidi’s mom corners her daughter. Both are concerned that Heidi’s putting all her eggs in Spencer’s basket. “If things were to go south, what would happen to her?” Dad asks rhetorically. Heidi’s mom wonders what happened with Lauren, but Heidi refuses to discuss it.

Brody returns to the beach party in a cast up to his elbow, brandishing an envelope full of x-rays. Lauren cracks up, and now Brody’s feelings are hurt, too. He tries to explain this to Lauren, but every time he gestures emphatically with the arm cast, she loses it again.

Heidi’s parents’ restaurant. Heidi leaves the dinner table for a moment. “What an angel,” Spencer smarms. Heidi’s mom isn’t fooled, taking this opportunity to mention Lauren again. It’s like her name triggers a switch in Spencer’s brain: One second he’s on his best behaviour, and the next he’s launched into a crazed Lauren impression, squawking, “I want Heidi to myself!” Heidi’s poor parents look taken aback.

Beach. Lauren and Audrina sit by the fire and talk about Heidi. “Jason hated Heidi. He hated her,” Lauren says, “And I always said, ‘I don’t care, I’ll always be friends with Heidi.’” She starts to cry. Aww, no! That’s not funny! Can’t we see Spencer cry instead?

But no, we get to see Audrina cry when Justin Bobby abandons her at the party, just like her abandoned her in Vegas. Luckily, Lauren knows what to do to cheer up her friend. “Look at me. Homeboy wore combat boots to the beach,” she says. “I know you don’t wanna call that your boyfriend!” Aww, Lauren rocks.

Next week: Spencer breaks up with Brody, Jen Bunney hops her way back onto the show, and Heidi claims that Brody started the sex tape rumors. Ooh.

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