Episode Six: Double Trouble

Last week: Spencer dumped Brody and almost looked sad about it, and Justin Bobby swore a lot.

Teen Vogue. Boss-lady Whitney is busily typing away at her computer, while lowly underling Lauren uses a simple pencil and paper. Whitney, as usual, asks what’s been going on, and Lauren, as usual, has boy-related news: Ex-boyfriend Jason is out of rehab and back in her life. Although Lauren makes light of the fact that he only seems to show up when everything’s going great for her, she looks worried.

Gym. Jarett, a heretofore-unseen personal trainer, puts Lauren and Audrina through their paces, bantering flirtatiously with Lauren all the while. When he finds out that Lauren knows and likes his friend Derek, he invites the girls out on a double date that evening. Wait, isn’t he going to check with Derek first? And why is Audrina his date when he’s spoken only to Lauren all session? Some girls might wonder about these things, but Lauren and Audrina are not those girls–they quickly accept the invitation.

Bolthouse. An excited Elodie informs Heidi that a new events director job (that comes with its own office!) has opened up at the company, and she’s going for it. “I definitely think that I’m ready,” she says. “I’ve worked here for two years…”

“That’s it?” Heidi interrupts. “So you started right before I did?”

“A year before,” Elodie corrects her, kindly refraining from pointing out that she’s been working there twice as long as Heidi has and in fact taught the kid all she knows. However, as she watches Heidi mentally decorate the events director’s office, her eyes narrow and I like to imagine she’s plotting the petite blonde’s violent demise.

Back at home, Heidi describes the job to Spencer, who is once again hard at work on the couch. “Event director? Very legit!” Spencer says. As compared to what? Heidi’s current job? Spencer’s “work”? Anything either of them has ever done? When he finds out that Elodie’s interested in the position, though, Spencer wisely counsels Heidi to avoid competing with one of her few remaining friends, or to at least inform Elodie straight-up that she’s interested in the… oh, who am I kidding. He actually tells her to “do whatever it takes” to get the job.

It’s double date time, and Derek wants to talk about the thrift store T-shirts he bought for 40 cents. And how great Lauren is. And the tragedy that is thrift store T-shirts becoming trendy and more expensive. And how he likes Lauren more than anyone he’s ever met. And how it’s crazy that a thrift store T-shirt he bought for 40 cents is now worth 40 bucks. And how he can’t stop thinking about Lauren. Lauren doesn’t even try to feign interest, rolling her eyes and sinking into her seat with a sigh. “I never wanted to stab myself in the eye more,” she says when Audrina (whose conversation with Jarett hasn’t exactly been flowing) drags her to the bathroom.

Teen Vogue/Bolthouse. Lauren colour-coordinates a rack of clothes (the stress from all this responsibility is going to give her a nervous breakdown one of these days) and complains that she needs to break her one-date curse. Heidi totally backstabs Elodie by asking Brent Bolthouse for the job.

Hillside Villas. Lauren gets another call from Jason. Audrina then (completely coincidentally, I’m sure) reads two questions from The Book of Questions: Love & Sex that remind Lauren she’s single and force her to admit that Jason was the only guy who really swept her away, respectively. Sad background music swells, not at all manipulatively.

Bolthouse. Elodie shows up to find Heidi sitting in her brand new office. Elodie appears near tears but is extraordinarily gracious, asking Heidi if she plans to decorate and assuring her that there are no hard feelings. “Good for you,” she says, “as long as, you know, you appreciate it as much as I would have.” Heidi doesn’t even have the decency to look sheepish.

Coffee house. Lauren and Jason awkwardly discuss their breakup. They both do the fake breezy act, smiling a lot but not meeting each other’s eyes. More sad music swells. Something fun and/or exciting happen next week, please.

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